Monday, September 14, 2009

San Juan Sisterhood

So this weekend I made my first journey ever to the San Juan Islands. I have lived in Seattle for 4 years this month, and I am baffled as to why it took me so long to get there. I think maybe if I had gone there earlier, I wouldn’t have appreciated it as much, or been at a point in my life that I could consider moving out there. As I write this, I feel as though I’m having an out of body experience… hovering just slightly above myself in bed, with only the laptop anchored. I have never been so relaxed from a weekend in my life. I am now clearly aware of the difference between ‘vacation’ and ‘traveling’. On a true vacation…I like to think there IS no agenda. This may seem obvious, but it wasn’t for me until I actually experienced what it truly means to ‘get away from it all’ and actually be present in that. We sat around a campfire, ate fresh locally grown food and eggs from the farm up the road, saw an orca, watched seals fish, explored the island roads, trails and beaches, laid in the sand, climbed a tree, rode in the back of a truck to take in the scene completely, frolicked through beautiful open fields, fed a camel apples, listened to fantastic music live and not, laid under the stars, caught tiny tree frogs, swung on the greatest forest swing in the world, were hosted by the most fabulous park ranger we know, all while forging a beautiful bond with two amazing girlfriends. Of course most of these things I was very blessed to spend most of my childhood doing in Montana... but the perspective is different of course. We walked onto the ferry back to Anacortes with much resistance.

Experiences like this make the mind and soul ignite, and can cause thoughts to shift considerably at times. As I draw near to my graduation date, and am progressing in my plans for starting my NPO… I keep finding the components and companions that I need right in front of me, placed so graciously in the people I meet and am around and the places that I end up as a result. Watching it all unfold before my eyes exhilarates me like nothing else.

Meanwhile, I keep being told to write. Write in the blog. Write a book. Write a letter to the editor. Write 283762 papers for school in the last 7 years. Write the next great American novel. I love writing. It’s therapeutic to get the madness in the head out in the open, even if nobody is going to read it. I want to write. But I also want to paint. I want to listen to music that makes my soul vibrate with understanding and elation, and then paint some more. I want to save the world with art and education. I want to travel, be my own boss and call the shots at the nonprofit organization that I founded with my bare hands and the support and help from people that I love. I want to spend time in the church that is the natural beauty of the earth, taking it in and appreciating it so completely that I can feel God breathing.

But there is a difference between wants and needs. I need to feel like I am fulfilling my role and potential as I was created to do. What if all the things I want… are the things that would satisfy that need? Does that then blur the line of need and want? After a weekend like the one I just had, I feel so incredibly blessed and fortunate to have access to such magnificent places… that I almost feel guilty stating that I would want to be able to experience that all the time. But starting the org, in a place such as San Juan Island, would be the facilitator of my dream lifestyle… a.k.a. ‘living my dream’… can that really happen? Is bliss on earth really possible for me? I feel like I’ve achieved it much of the time, but when you can see something that you’ve been building in your head and fantasizing about for years falling into place…. Wow. I can’t wait to feel that kind of success and make that impact.

As of now, I’m very sleepy. More later :)

Love & Gratitude,
Emily Jo